If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
