I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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