My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
