really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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