You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
