Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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