I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He passed out mid-signature
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
