Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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