So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you had me at cake vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize