Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
