Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
