i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
