when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
