Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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