So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
