I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
