I'm gonna have a badass scar
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
