I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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