The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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