My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
