Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
