i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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