His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
