I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
