Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
