Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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