What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am midnight drunk by noon
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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