I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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