I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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