"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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