Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
