oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
