i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
