I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
