My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
