There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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