UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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