my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
