If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
