clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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