i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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