HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
