I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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