she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
