Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
