4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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