I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
