I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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