the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
