Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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