What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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