I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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