Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
