Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
